Quentin Whistleton-Thynne's Weekly Articles
'Great White Hunter and damn proud of it.'
"The beast put up a fearsome battle, but eventually forty six hunters and a pack of a hundred hounds overcame the fiend."
* * * * *
I SAY!
What's all this bally nonsense about fox hunting being a cruel pastime.
When old Reynard here decides to feed his pups on my prize Bantum cocks I feel it's only fair that several hundred of my friends and their hounds should pursue the felon until he is exhausted and given a thorough telling orf.
The fact that my cocks were placed in an open pen and smothered in barbecue sauce - doesn't give a starving animal the right to eat them at will, I tell you.
Odd thing is, the bloody RESACA take a dim view of our throwing him to the hounds after he's been lectured.
Toodle Pip
Quentin Whistleton-Thynne (Col. rtd)
April 1st 2005
Morality
There's nothing quite like a spot of hunting with a human quarry. Hunt protestors are my favourite meat as they tend to be young and can move at a fair lick.
We did try trussing them up and projecting them into the air like clay pigeons at one point but we all agreed it wasn't half as much fun as running them to ground.
We capture them at local hunts and quite frankly kidnap them.
It's then off to a secret Welsh location where they are fed and watered and told of our intentions.
Of course there have been a few who wouldn't cooperate and had to be shipped to Africa without the benefit of a chase. The food shortage in the Congo is appalling.
In forty years of this pastime not one of the blighters have made it to safety.
This is largely due to the fact that their last meal had been peppered with slow working arsenic - just in case.
Toodle Pip
Quentin Whistleton-Thynne (Col. rtd)
April 1st 2005