Quentin Whistleton-Thynne's Sporting Guide
Now look here!
It's all very well allowing your Celt the occasional win on the rugger field but it must be perfectly understood that when it comes down to it there is really only one side; England.
It was we who invented every sport worth playing and have given every nation on the planet a sound thrashing at some time or another.
I say! That beach volley ball is something . What!
When I see all that flesh jiggling about the mem sahib locks herself away with a shotgun as I am a rather persistent and virile lover. The damned woman hasn't been the same since I inadvertently swallowed forty Viagra tablets after mistaking them for Smarties.
It looks like being a splendid summer of sport. It's a pity though that one has to share one's pleasures with rabble. At Henley, Ascot, Wimbledon and Cowes one is assured of being surrounded by quality people like myself. We simply can afford the finer things in life.
There is nothing worse than having to rub shoulders with working class types at rugger matches. I've often put the idea at HQ that ticket prices should be so priced as to make them prohibitive to the peasantry - and your Celt ought to be banned outright from attending. I'm quite prepared to stump up £1,000,000 per game to keep all the blighters out.
Toodle Pip
Quentin Whistleton-Thynne (Col. rtd)
April 1st 2005
