Quentin Whistleton-Thynne's Local News
Now look here!
It's come to my attention that community websites like this one lack the chutzpah to call a spade a spade.
What we need therefore is a return to some good old fashioned plain speaking.
Therefore I have decided to run this site myself along with the mem sahib.
Our aims are simple; to influence the people of Treorchy, Ynyswen and Cwmparc into adopting a lifestyle based on a strict hierarchical structure where everybody knows their place.I and the mem sahib will be at the top of the pecking order closely followed by the police and golf club secretaries.
All other types will conduct themselves with abject servility towards their betters.
We do not propose anything remotely democratic in our society. You will do as we say and like it.
For too long the scum of the Earth have been messing up the natural order of things with their pursuance of human rights.
Stuff and nonsense! Stuff and nonsense I say. From now on there will be discipline that'll make the Nazi regime look like a model of participatory democracy.
No one is to be allowed in the streets between the hours of 9 PM and 7 AM - no exceptions unless you get my expressed permission.
When I
(above) or the mem sahib (pictured left) are seen in public
you will conduct yourselves with the utmost deference and bow.
I am never to be addressed unless I make the first move in the introduction and then you will only address me as sir.
Elections are cancelled. All public offices will be appointed by me. My decisions on anything will be final and not open to discussion.
Women of marriageable age will be required to visit me the night before their weddings for, ahem, a lecture on the duties of a good wife.
Now if you follow these simple rules we will all get along splendidly.
If you don't like them then I suggest you go and live in Ton Pentre or Treherbert.
There's no room for slackers in my villages.
Toodle Pip.
Your Lord and Master
Quentin Whistleton-Thynne (Col. rtd)
April 1st 2005