Quentin Ostrogoth Whistleton - Thynne's Kids Corner

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Hello Chums. 

I expect all you pleb types are deep in some sort of financial crises what?  I know I know !   Using those credit cards to keep up with the Jones's, sending your daughters out on the streets to earn some cash for that nasty little drug habit eh ?  

It's toughers at the bottom I've been told.

Of course being a multi millionaire in my own right and as sole heir to the Thynne billions I wouldn't know or ever will.  However this does not mean I don't care.  Not in the least.  I therefore wish to give you the benefit of my experience in cutting corners and making your cash stretch further

Thinking of buying a Rolls Royce Corniche.  Don't.  They cost £250,000 and are beastly on the back.  Economise and purchase a couple of Ferrari's.  At £100,000 each they are a snip and can snap knicker-elastic at two hundred paces.

Thinking of getting the little lady an engagement ring?  Shop directly from De Beers South Africa and leave the likes of Cartier and Tiffany's alone.  

You can purchase a £10,000,000 sparkler for a little over £7,000,000 at the mine and remember DIAMONDS NEVER DEPRECIATE IN VALUE so in two years time you should have an asset worth £12,000,000.  

Under no circumstances let the gel you are trying to bed believe the ring is anything but a run of the mill rock.  That way once you're fed up of her she will throw it back to you in a fit of rage.  

You then tell her its true value and have fun as she drops to her knees and tries to convince you she's the only one you really want.

Do you find your children are far more expensive to raise than you ever thought?  Ever thought of killing two birds with one stone?  Why not sell them to me and I'll make sure they are raised in our Thailand missions which are run by the finest catholic priests.  You save the expense of their upbringing.  You also get that holiday in Skegness that you always wanted with the cash I pay for them and you receive a yearly payment of 3% of their earnings after the age of sixteen.  Think about it.

Well I'd better not reveal too many more of the Thynne secrets of success lest Mater and Pater receive another visit from the Vice Squad, Customs and Excise, Special Branch and the Inland Revenue.  My God that was a day to remember.  We had to call in all the favours from all manners of the aristocracy in our debt to get orf.

Thought for the day. "God put women on this Earth to test our faith in Him." 

TA TA

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Footnote: Mater and pater have generously encouraged me to contribute my views here until I reach the age of majority, when I shall of course inherit the lesser villages of Cwmparc and Ynyswen.

My Hero/Heroine

Ellen McCartha is the finest example of English womanhood in existence - bar none. Bestowing a damehood on her is scandalous. A hereditary Duchy is the least that should be given to her.

When I think that nurses and social workers constantly put their lives in danger and are given undue recognition while slogging at unthankful tasks, I believe it's only fair that a woman of standing such as the fair Ellen be recognized for the paragon of virtue she is.

Lifeboat men, rescue pilots and their ilk all salute you.

I'm just orf to see Otis about organising Trafalgar Day. Pity Ellen lives in France.

Quentin (minor) Ostrogoth Whistleton-Thynne

April 1st 2005