Quentin Whistleton-Thynne's Historical Documents

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Historical Documents

Now look here! I have just returned from my annual tiger and panda shoot in Indjah and Cathay only to find the bloody country on its knees once again. 

This Freedom of Information Act is a bally farce of the first order. 

Today I expected to read how the Wilson and Callaghan governments were, as I always suspected, agents of the Ruskie but what did I find? Revelations of Civil servant toiletry discomfort that's what. 

Here we are about to throw away ten thousand years of independence (courtesy of a socialist dictatorship) and all the hacks can dig up is the fact that the Whitehall pen pushers were forced to use hard instead of soft paper. 

They should have been in my regiment I can tell you. It was sand paper, detol and a wire brush all the time. Soft paper my arse!

The cheek of it all.

* * * * *

What we need is a return to some good old fashioned utilitarianism. 

Work houses sah! Work houses. That's what we need. Cold showers, detol and the wire brush three times a day is essential to keep the peasant where he belongs.

Can you imagine an egalitarian society? Stuff and nonsense sah. Stuff and nonsense. 

I remember a certain Private Ampott who had the audacity to suggest that conscientious objection was the right of all men. He was disabused of the idea after spending twenty minutes with RSM Chudder whose knowledge of the Spanish inquisition was astonishing. 

Ampott turned out to be a splendid chap. Stepped on a mine in Aden. It was subsequently discovered that he was only 15. I had the devil of a time covering that one up.

Toodle Pip

Quentin Whistleton-Thynne (Col. rtd)

April 1st 2005