"The Survivor"
 

A pig by any other name

is walking pork and ham -

but on the day the butcher came,

he took it on the 'lam'

 

and ran away o'er dale and hill

to save himself from slaughter.

He got away from Butcher Bill -

but forgot the farmer's daughter.

 

The daughter was a fair young maid

who loved her pork and scratchings.

She said that she was much afraid

that pig would take some catching.

 

She hiked her skirt above her thighs

so she could run much quicker,

while butcher Bill just rolled his eyes -

for her could see her knickers!

 

But porky pig could run quite well,

and when in peril - go like hell.

He pelted to a nearby shore

for he was frightened to the core.

 

Once there he had a brilliant notion,

to sail across the briny ocean.

To lands like that of Palestine

where people did not feed on swine.

 

He saw a ship await the tide,

and swiftly stowed away inside

a vessel bound for Israel - 

where Porky landed safe and well.

 

To sing and dance a merry jig - 

for Jews and Muslims don't eat pig!

And there he lived without a fear

for many a long and happy year.

 

The butcher soon closed down his shop

to live a life agrarian.

He wed the farmer's lusty lass

and both turned vegetarian.

 

They lived on sprouts and lettuce leaves

and cabbages and things - 

but oft times dreamt of juicy chops

and crunch pork chittlings!

 

by William Ashton

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