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Here's an offering for our chuckles page this month from Neil Abber of Pentre.... and "thanks, Neil !"

"12 things for a guy to do in a large superstore while shopping with his partner"

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people's trolleys when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.

3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone: "Code 3 in Housewares..." and see what happens.

4. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on credit.

5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. Set-up a tent in the Camping Department and tell other shoppers you are sleeping over and invite them in if they bring pillows from the Bedding Department.

7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask: "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.

9. Dart around the store suspiciously, while loudly humming the theme from Mission Impossible.

10. Hide in a clothing rack . . and when people browse through, say: "PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!"

11. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, hit the floor and assume the fetal position and scream " OH NO! It's those voices again!!!"

12. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while... then yell loudly: "There's no toilet paper in here!"

* * *

here's a few more jokes currently doing the rounds locally...

"I've just been arrested for being the ugliest person in Britain - can you come down to the police station and show them it's a mistake?"

" Just been invited to a cannabis party, but I have to bring my own dope - so I'll pick you up at 7.30pm"

"New pope is a German. He was selected 'cos he got his towel over the balcony while everyone else was still in bed..."

The American pressed his arm and the bleeping stopped. "That was my pager, I have a microchip in my arm"

A phone is heard ringing and the Japanese man puts his palm to his ear saying "It's my mobile, I have a chip in my hand"

Not to be outdone, the Irishman leaves the sauna and goes into the bathroom. He comes out with toilet paper hanging from his rear end.

The other two men stare at him as he twirls around in 'apparent' surprise at the trail of paper dangling behind him...

"Well would you look at that..." the Irish guy exclaims... "to be sure, I must be getting a fax!"

and here's another little gem sent in from Allyson Knape of Corby, Northamptonshire

THAT'S the way to Amerillo - NOW STOP ASKING!

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